Once you leave the Family, you can never return...

[Fish]

I used to think I was being facetious when I called Mac a cult. After helping a friend quit his pricey Mobile Me account, I am not so sure. I tried to quit online, but I was forced to go into chat to - I guess so I could be talked out of the terrible mistake I was about to make by leaving Mobile Me. Transcript excerpts:

Advisor [12:06 p.m.]:
Hi, may I ask that you please elaborate on your reason for chatting with us concerning your MobileMe related services today?

Customer [12:06 p.m.]:
I want to cancel Mobile Me. That's all

Advisor [12:07 p.m.]:
From what I understand you would like to cancel your MobileMe account and leave the MobileMe family is that right?

Customer [12:08 p.m.]:
I want to cancel the paid account so no further charges are incurred. If that means leaving the Family, I guess so...

The Mobile Me is a family. I am leaving my family....shudder...

Advisor [12:08 p.m.]:
I certainly hate to see you cancel this account today but I know that some things are not suited for everyone and I will do everything in my power to assist you. Have you contacted MobileMe Chat Support about this particular issue before (if so what is your case ID) or is this your first time?

Everything in his power, he says. I am obviously making a monumental request here, possibly the first person in world history to cancel a Mobile Me account. I glad that I found a rep so eager to jump through hoops for me. I guess if he can't, my friend will just have to cancel my credit card to get out.

Customer [12:10 p.m.]:
The issue is it's rarely used and so not worth paying for.

After some more hemming and hawing, he gets on with it. As we near the end of the conversation, though, he (she?) adds the clincher...

Advisor [12:16 p.m.]:
-> After canceling this account it cannot be reactivated as a MobileMe subscriber as Apple is no longer creating or reactivating MobileMe subscriber accounts.
...keep in mind that you can not use this account to sign up for iCloud when it becomes available as well.

Once you leave the Family, there's no going back.

[JJMcClure]

Steve Jobs is trying to create a situation where all Apple and Apple related services are interdependent with exactly this situation in mind, It's also the reason all their software is proprietary and it's the reason I don't buy any Apple products.

[grynge]

and it's the reason I don't buy any Apple products.

I don't buy them because they are way overpriced, have useless features, and in my opinion just total bad quality. Only 1 company have I had more returns on and that was Sony.

[rob]

Beat me to it, Sony are trying to be Apple but without the know how.

What does annoy me is the one thing I like about apple I cant find elsewhere - power cables for laptops that are magnetic not plugs!

[Clinton]

I know that some things are not suited for everyone and I will do everything in my power to assist you

I hate it when they read from scripts.

What are customer service scripts? These scripts are essentially pre-written conversations that need to be followed closely by personnel assigned to deal with customers. This prepared conversation only needs to have the current customer’s name inserted in the proper places.

You're talking with a computer, the human is there only to articulate the computer's "thoughts". All that false sincerity urges me to be awkward.

"That's very kind of you. May I now ask what power you actually have?"

The trick is to break the script, ask a question that throws the rep. Then you get to speak with a supervisor. He probably uses a script as well, but has a little more leeway to talk human.

grynge, I must admit I've had good experiences with Sony. Even if I didn't I would still use their products over Apple's given the choice.

[JJMcClure]

The trick is to break the script, ask a question that throws the rep. Then you get to speak with a supervisor.

We moved away from British Gas after a phone call to them to get the gas put back on in a new house when we had an 8 week baby to keep warm resulted in me being completely unable to get the rep 'off-script', a script which clearly included instructions to never put people through to a supervisor and to recommend contacting the accounts dept but not to give out the direct number for said dept.

F**kers.

[Kay]

Aaarggh, sales rep scripts! When we bought a house in London in the late 1990s, the previous owner had kindly left the phone line on for us. We thought we were doing the decent thing by informing the telephone company (British Telecom) of the change of ownership and to please send the bills to us in future. They cut us off immediately, despite us trying to explain that all we wanted was for them to change the name on their bills. It just seemed impossible to be able to speak to a human with an ounce of common sense.

It was before the days when mobile phones were common so Dave spent much of his time running round to the nearest telephone box making and receiving phone calls about furniture delivery, carpet laying, and all sorts of other things. Needless to say, we didn't renew with BT and took our custom elsewhere.

[Fish]

I assume the scripts come from testing which phrase work better, etc. They are then refined into the perfect script. I wonder, though, do they test the scripts against a real human actually talking like a human? Even if they do, and the immediate results are more renewals, sign-ups, whatever... I can't believe that it's not costing them big time in the long run. And how much do you have to pay a college graduate to turn off their brain and talk like a robot anyway?

[grynge]

I assume the scripts come from testing which phrase work better, etc. They are then refined into the perfect script. I wonder, though, do they test the scripts against a real human actually talking like a human? Even if they do, and the immediate results are more renewals, sign-ups, whatever... I can't believe that it's not costing them big time in the long run. And how much do you have to pay a college graduate to turn off their brain and talk like a robot anyway?

My brother works for one of the largest electricity suppliers here in Australia and I have seen some of their manuals. They say they are tried and tested but I think that is just a conjob on behalf of the script writing companies. Some of the crap is just absolutely tripe. My bet is these companies tested once long long ago and just keep rehashing these things over and over again.

[grynge]

grynge, I must admit I've had good experiences with Sony. Even if I didn't I would still use their products over Apple's given the choice.

Might be different now, back when I was sony's largest distributor in SA their products and service were absolutely rubbish. Though I am only talking about pc components and tv's. I had to take back all but 1 monitor, tape drives took over 19 months to be repaired, cd burners took 8 months. The only good thing at the time was they would return faulty cd's which was cool as blank cd's were $32 each. I used to get all my customers to give me their dead cd's as I told them I was going to make a huge mobile. Then I would return the dead cd's and get new ones $3200 per 100 cd's was just a bonus. The original sony playstation I think they spent more on the screws for the case than they did on their lousy laser and the ps2 what a wonderful power supply that had. I could go on and on but I won't you get the picture

Apple well I have never had an apple product in this household that hasn't broken either just out of warranty or within a few days of purchase. Point in case my original portable cd mp3 player (long before ipod's) is still working to this day and I was one of the first to get it as no-one really new what mp3's were back then. My sons 1st ipod he bought (because I wouldn't) stopped working after about 6 days, took it back it took about 3 weeks to get a new one which gave up the ghost after about 7 months took it back which took about 3 weeks to be repaired and that finally gave up the ghost about 1 month after its warranty was over. Iphone dead, ipods dead, laptops dead, computers dead and this is going back all the way to early apple pc's

I honestly believe that Sony and Apple use such poor soldering algorithms that they know that their products will fail after warranty. Ask any old stereophile about the difference between todays soldering and the soldering of the past.