From the You Couldn't Make It Up Department

[crabfoot]

If it were the actual one and not a website I would have gone higher than the $20 it sold for.

Now if I said that in front of my wife, she'd be mortally offended (or blackaffrontit for the benefit of Kay) - made me think (dangerous) -

One day a young bride of Madras
Felt somewhat reducéd in class
When her neat derriere
Was comparéd somewhere
To Jennifer Aniston's ass

"So what" said the maiden, dismayed,
"Makes the Aniston feature displayed
"So much better than mine -
Is it built up with pine?
Or perhaps it is nicely inlaid?"

Quoth her husband, a master of spin,
"It's naturally shaped, though she's thin -
Whereas yours, m'dear, looks
Like a couple of books,
Her's resembles two nice mandolins".

But not to let chance pass away
He afterwards went on to say
"Doesn't matter, my dear,
She is there and you're here -
I don't want her, and you're here to stay".

"That's unlikely" she said, feeling blue
"Even if your kind comments are true,
After all that you've said
I'll be sharing my bed
With a cuddly teddy, not you".

[Kay]

(or blackaffrontit for the benefit of Kay)

LOL! Keep going. By stealth we'll soon have everyone on EP able to speak, or at least understand, Scottish.

I also found TKE's comment a bit disconcerting. If my husband wanted to buy someone's ass, I would protest that we don't have room to keep a donkey. And how would we pay for its keep? I suppose we could sell donkey rides because we live near a beach, but that's not really a business I have any ambitions about getting into.

On the other hand, if it's about Aniston's arse, I would be seriously worried. Why would he want to own a dismembered body part? What would he do with it? It's not going in my food fridge - it would take up too much room. I suppose he could put it in the drinks fridge but I don't fancy having to look at someone's bum (that's butt for our American readers) every time I want a beer.

Anyway, I don't understand why he'd want to buy someone else's arse. He has a big enough one of his own.

[JJMcClure]

On the other hand, if it's about Aniston's arse, I would be seriously worried. Why would he want to own a dismembered body part?

You see... I assumed that the rest of her was included in the sale, that'll teach me to do better DD.

[Clinton]

In my Daily Telegraph yesterday there was a frontpage article about 15,000 men in the UK giving birth last year. Sorry, I can't seem to find a link to an online copy of the story.

[crabfoot]

Why would he want to own a dismembered body part? What would he do with it?

There's a story The Big Yin used to relate where a Glaswegian gets drunk, murders his wife and buries her in the back close. Filled with remorse, he walks the street and unburdens his woes to a passer-by, who does not believe the story and insists on seeing the grave. When this is shown, the dead wife's backside is sticking out of the earth. "Whyever did you bury her like that?" said the passer-by.
"I wanted somewhere to park my bike" came the reply.

[Clinton]

Should we get dad an ipad?
http://www.wimp.com/dadipad/

The dialogue is in German, but it's worth watching even if you don't understand German.

[succor]

Should we get dad an ipad?....

ROTFLMFAO Thanks Clinton!

Since we appear to be getting way off topic I have another humors link to share... Droid Bionic vs iPhone 4 youtube video. There is some foul language, consider yourself warned.

[Clinton]

Cosmetic surgeons in the UK are not happy about the way silicone enhanced knockers are portrayed in advertising and the media. Jokes about big jugs ain't funny. We mustn't trivialise artificial melons. They want increased regulation and a ban on advertising cosmetic surgery for big bazookas.

Their trade organisation wants action. And what's the name of this professional body? The British Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons or Baaps! You couldn't make it up.

The domain bigbaaps.org is FTR

[Kay]

I was given a newspaper today from a seaside resort in Thailand. (Expats often save newspapers and pass them on to others.) This story caught my eye. (All paraphrased.)

***

Two British guys, one 25 and the other 34, run out of money whilst on holiday in Thailand. They decided to attack ATMs to get some more money. They fixed a rope around an ATM and tied the other end to their pick-up truck. Then they drove away with the intention of pulling the ATM away from the wall for them to plunder afterwards.

Apparently the would-be thieves failed because they didn't know how to open the ATM anyway, and also because the police were in hot pursuit before they got very far.

***

There was a nice picture in the paper of the two of them in handcuffs. But really, how daft can some people be? I'd have thought that this cunning plot was more appropriate for a kids' cartoon or something.

[grynge]

Reminds me of one of those COPS TV shows,

Cop sitting watching the traffic and this car comes bouncing down the road, front wheels are lifting off the ground. So the cop pulls out, does a u-turn and pulls the guy over, the car is bouncing because it has a heavy machine in the boot (trunk for some people) cops gets the driver out of the car and asks him "what do we have here" driver responds "Oh it's muh washing machine officer" "yeah" says officer "looks more like an ATM" "no" says driver "I swear it's muh washing machine"