Building a community, not a gathering of people

[Kay]

Gosh, so many points on the community side of things. I'm very keen on communities, but communities are about people, not about avatars, sigs and profiles, etc.

I find that friend list thing a bit odd. Why would anyone want to make a public list of who his friends are? Is it to boast to the world that he is friends with the most reputed/popular posters in the forum...

I find it a bit strange too. I have a handful of "friends" on here, but that's because these people really have become friends - as in we've got to know each other, maybe worked together, and maybe even tried to meet up in real life. I get plenty of people asking me to be their friend on EP. Why? Because I'm a mod? But you can't be my friend just by clicking a "be my friend" button. You have to actually be my friend first.

I'm not even "friends" with Clinton. LOL. It's not because I don't like him or don't want to be friends, it's just that I don't see the need to go asking him to click a button to say he's my friend. And I also don't want to give the impression that I go chasing after the most important people so I can boast that they're my friends. (If he asked me, that would be different. I'd accept.)

The friends thing seems a bit childish for me, but for as long as we have it, then I'll stick with my handful of friends who really are friends.

[JimWaller]

Having not yet reached the prerequisite 50 posts yet I am unable to add the personal things yet as Clinton pointed out. That doesn't bother me. I've been trying to only add quality content when I reply to a thread, so I haven't been going "post crazy" which wouldn't be allowed anyway due to the "no fluff" rule.

I've been on other forums where there are so many "me too, me too" type posts which are mainly designed to drive up post counts that I find this forum refreshing in its approach to only having quality posts. It's silly when you see a thread in another forum started and the initial post is followed by a huge number of posts consisting solely of, "I agree" or "Thanks". (The "Thanks" posts are especially silly if there is a "Thanks" button.)

I would not be here in this forum if I had not met KenW3 in person, because I'm not much of a site buying and selling guy. (I'm not opposed to it, but I just haven't gotten "into" it.) With that said, I'm glad I did get introduced to this forum even if it can be a bit of a "time suck" for me. LOL I enjoy the intellectual exchange even if someone's views are in opposition to my own.

As for the "friends" thing, I don't really feel the need for it. Ken and I would probably be able to legitimately claim to be friends having actually met in person a couple of times, but I don't really feel like I need to have that listed here. I like Ken, he seems to be a good person, and I find him interesting. I'm not saying that to "stroke his ego", but rather as a fair assessment of a person I've met.

Kay and I have had some interesting interactions and I like her or at least the persona she has created. (I am inclined to think she represents herself honestly ) We could probably count ourselves as "forum friends", but again, I don't think either of us feels the need. Besides, I'd look like I was trying to glam onto their prestige as mods if I were trying to list Ken and Kay as friends. LOL

With that said, I'm not opposed to being "friends" with anyone. As I interact more and more with this community, I begin to feel like I know some of you, especially the more prolific posters. (That may be one reason I feel like I know mods better.)

As for Clinton's lack of friend requests, I think there is a perception that he is too busy as the head honcho to bother him with trivial things like a friend request. I know I felt like I probably shouldn't reply to the automated welcome PM I received. (Clinton, I hope you don't feel slighted.) As perceived "authority figures" for the forum, I think some people are intimidated by the idea of "bothering" Clinton and the mods.

To make matters worse, if Clinton sent an automated friend request, people would think it wasn't genuine. (Think MySpace's Tom who is "friends" with everyone.)

Another factor with the friends thing is the fear of rejection. It's funny, because most people probably accept almost any friend request sent to them. Of course, there are some people who take the friend thing very seriously and only accept friend requests from their closest true friends. (Here I'm referring to my experiences on Facebook as some of my personal friends have told me this.)

When it comes down to it, people have differing views on what a "friend" is and are therefore inclined to apply their personal criteria to friend requests. Personally, I don't feel like it really serves much purpose for me so I'm less inclined to make a friend request, but I am inclined to accept any friend request as I'd feel bad about rejecting another person. (Maybe I'll receive a lot of requests as a result of that statement. LOL) I think a lot of people feel the same way.

To the OP's point, I'll probably update my info when I reach the 50 post point. Providing I have time.

Jim

[grynge]

Friendship is a strange thing on forums, JJMcClure and I don't see eye to eye on much at all but if he was to dissapear off the forums I would sadly miss him, there are many on here I would miss terribly if they were to leave, and have done with some of the older members not having time to post or visit so much, so I gather that is a strange kind of friendship because I haven't met anyone in person (though come september that will become 2 people I meet lol) if it wasn't a friendship would I miss them?

[Clinton]

Well put, JimWaller.

succor, another thing I must point out, we are in MMO territory and MMO (Make Money Online) is more scammy, more incestuous, more sneaky, more cesspit than any other industry out there. It's people in this industry that gave internet marketing a bad name. Even on these boards we've seen cases of them putting information in their profiles about how fantastic they or their services are. They then go around making cryptic posts to whet the appetite of more gullible readers and drive them to check out the profile. Example: "When I made $300,000 on a single site flip, I blogged about it and it became my most viewed post ever". We also get the "Being the #1 broker of internet websites, I know that buyers sometimes need assistance with deciding value of a website for sale", "being the only person still actively buying forums at 36x multiples, I do understand this problem" ...etc. We are very alert to this kind of activity and discuss it in the mod forum. Sometimes we allow the odd self-reference post like that from a member with a high post count and a good record of contributing useful posts as successful people sometimes need to refer to what they've done to illustrate a point, but you can be 100% sure we are keeping an eye on him/her to watch ratio of such self-referenced posts to useful contributions.

I advise newbies here and in other threads to not go simply on profiles, but to take the time and trouble to read several of a member's posts before forming an opinion about that member.

[crabfoot]

As for Clinton's lack of friend requests, I think there is a perception that he is too busy as the head honcho to bother him with trivial things like a friend request.

I actually sent him a friend request because, at the time, he didn't have any friends - it did look stand-offish, and I knew he wasn't stand-offish. My next thought was "We have this facility, why not use it?" and I used it a bit. Never thought "why?", just thought "why not?".

I know I felt like I probably shouldn't reply to the automated welcome PM I received. (Clinton, I hope you don't feel slighted.)

I think most people feel that way -

As perceived "authority figures" for the forum, I think some people are intimidated by the idea of "bothering" Clinton and the mods.

but stick to the no-fluff rule - keep it interesting and nobody really minds. Just don't try to sell anything ...

[JimWaller]

Crabfoot, I'm glad you're a "why not?" person rather than a "Why?" person. The world needs people like you to maintain the delicate balance of life (and so people in a position like Clinton can have "friends", too. LOL)

Perhaps your "why not?" attitude is a reflection of the mindset necessary to be successful. We all know you have to have a certain mindset to be successful, maybe that's part of it.

Jim

P.S. As an interesting update, Ken sent me a friend request which I accepted.

[KenW3]

I don't know if I have expressed myself very well or not on the subject of personal touches; I just know that I find them helpful, even if it is nothing beyond a gut feeling. The best way to get to know someone is to read their threads and posts and look at things like their reputation and thanks, but the personal touches can go a long way too. You could also think of it as a business tool kind of like a business card; a good one is memorable and a bad one isn't... just something to think about. The personal touches is what make a place a community rather than just a gathering of people.

Your OP tells me a lot about you. Your prior posts have defined the person you are to the members of EP. I know people here through their words and actions. I took the time to learn about everyone through reading posts here. In the couple months after arrival on EP, I started researching who was here. I started looking at activity on other forums by username. I followed links in signatures. I reviewed posts about business transactions. I made an effort to learn who the people were on Experienced-People.net and, to put it mildly, was astonished. Most members on EP don't have the slightest clue just who they are dealing with in some of their posts.

I'm hoping for a community. What do you want?

I have what I want, as what I want -is- a community. I do not need hope for what already exists. Words alone may seem sterile, but they are a window into personalities. The way I learn who I am dealing with is by making the effort to communicate with them, by reading their thoughts and opinions, by seeing the level of expertise each possesses.

This is not your typical community IMHO. Business owners feel right at home. They are used to the strong personalities, the forceful opinion, the temporary cliques that form, the office politics being played in posts, and disagreement is more welcome than agreement because it provides perspective. While this may be distressing to employees more used to fitting in, business owners could care less what others think. There will be people here who agree with you, and those that won't

[Clinton]

Talking about disagreements, and completely off-topic, isn't the correct usage "couldn't care less".

business owners could care less what others think

Or is that an American vs British thing?

JimWaller, I don't think my lack of friends suggests members were too intimidated to send me/mods friend requests, or that they did not want to bother me. I think that the average user of this site is like KenW3 and grynge and crabfoot - they are able to and prefer to form friendships and "relationships" via chatting rather than by sending out a friend request. This is a rarity, not typical of most forums.

[KenW3]

Talking about disagreements, and completely off-topic, isn't the correct usage "couldn't care less".

business owners could care less what others think

Or is that an American vs British thing?

Off-topic reply:

I could suggest that 'could' and 'couldn't' relate to levels of capability, and to statements of determination to accomplish a given task, but won't.

It's probably not a cultural difference, as application of skills suggest there are things people can and cannot do, given the talents learned in life. Some members here possess the aptitude, and certainly -could- expend the necessary effort to 'care less'; some may be able to care so significantly less that we will never learn their thoughts on this matter.

Far be it from me to suggest other cultures lack the same capacity to accomplish consequential applications of indifference. For this divergence, perhaps we should practice the fine art of ambivalence

..and then sometimes all I learn from a member's post is that they are adequately insane eclectic geniuses (of which there are many here on EP).

[Clinton]

Actually, it does look like it's an American thing. Here's John Cleese telling the Americans off for the logical fallacy: YouTube Brilliant!

Of course as an Indian I get to say it however which way I couldn't care.